i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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