i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
