A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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