Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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