i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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