I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
