Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize