those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Buhtt sex?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
