Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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