I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
