She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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