How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
