I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
