i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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