This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
