If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
