so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
