Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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