it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize