that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
