My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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