my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
