just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
