You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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