Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
