how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
