so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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