i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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