I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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