Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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