So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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