her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
