Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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