so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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