i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize