I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i came on her dog
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
