Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
