She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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