He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
