1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
