He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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