Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
