He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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