sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
