Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
