Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
