the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
