elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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