i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
