...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
