girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
