i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
