It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
