i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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