NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
