All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize