so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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