so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize