no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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