My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
