the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
