You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
