I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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