Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
