I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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