Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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