found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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