My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
