for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
