He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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