I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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