He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
