this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
