I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
